Last night, my dream world took some odd turns. First, I dreamed that I woke up, and there was a consciousness attached to my backside, clutching me. The attachment filled my body with a sense of pleasant satiety, the sort of appeasement you get from sucking down a milkshake, but when I turned my head, I saw his face in vivid detail, and it was hideous. When I realized that this thing stuck to me was so unappealing, I willed him away in a flash. Somehow, I caused a wind to blow his being right out of my world, and he was whisked away like dust.
I got out of bed, my body heavy and my mind thick with sleep, and walked down the hall. I entered my bedroom where my two boys were sleeping, except my youngest son was accompanied by a younger version of himself. That’s when I realized that I was still asleep.
Walking around in a dream, I decided to do an experiment. I walked into the kitchen and found a box of petit desserts cakes that I had just purchased from the grocery store. But in waking life, I hadn’t actually tried one yet. I’ll try a bite in this dream, I thought, and when I wake up, I’ll taste the desserts and see if they taste the same as in my dream. If I tasted them in the dream world, would I taste them correctly? If so, what would that mean about the relationship between the dream world and the “real” world?
I opened the box and pulled out one of the delicacies and savored it as slowly and consciously as I could. I focused on every layer of flavor, imprinting it on my memory.
When I actually woke up, I realized that I had never actually purchased a box of petit desserts. And I thought I was lucid.
Yesterday, my mom mentioned seeing a movie called Shutter Island. I’ve never actually seen it myself, but her only remark was that it impressed upon her just how much our ego can trick us into believing a certain reality.
The problem seems to lie in those aspects of reality which we don’t even think to question. Lately, a Buddhist teacher keeps quoting a Zen saying to me, “Little doubt. Little awakening. Big doubt. Big awakening.” How much more lucid would I have been if I had actually wondered whether I even owned a box of dessert cakes? But nothing prompted me to wonder.
