The notion of psychic boundaries reminds me of the boy who lived his life in a bubble. Protection is lovely, but who wants to be cut off from the flow of energy among all of life? Buddhist practices, my philosophical bread and butter for more than a decade, are designed to remove borders, dissolve the sense of a separate self, and cultivate awareness of the interdependence of all things. The New Age concept of psychic boundaries runs completely counter to these goals.
Long-term meditation has splayed me open to the collective awareness, a not uncommon side effect. I am swimming in a sea of thoughts and feelings. Sometimes the delicate ripples are enjoyable. Sometimes, however, I am bowled over. I live across the street from a church that hosts frequent funerals. Try sitting down to lunch ready to enjoy a sandwich and the sunshine only to find yourself hunching over weeping, struck by overwhelming fantasies of what it would be like if someone you loved died. Those moments baffled me until I saw the hearse outside my window. I can predict the precise moment when they will carry out the casket, because I feel the intensity abating, and as the cars pull away, the inexplicable grief lifts.
I want to walk through this communal dream without succumbing to the pain and disturbances of those near, but my greater goal is to recognize and function according to my inseparability and oneness with the rest of existence. Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, a neuroscientist who suffered a stroke in her left hemisphere, experienced perceptions of inseparability as a result of her stroke, which damaged areas of the brain responsible for defining the boundaries of objects, particularly the boundaries of the self (or more specifically, her self representation). As the borders of her self dissolved, she entered nirvana (see article by Robert Koehler, Hemmorhaging Nervana).
In contrast, in a series of posts at Mother Eagle Spirit, Michelle presents “empath survival skills.” She writes:
“As an Empath, your psychic boundaries are very important to your emotional and mental health. Your aura is your personal psychic space, and keeping it clear of unwanted intrusions and energy will help you to live an emotionally balanced life. Picking up, and carrying the emotions of others can be hard, and even make you question your own sanity at times.”
Why are psychic boundaries so important for avoiding suffering in the New Age paradigm while, in the Buddhist paradigm and in numerous personal accounts of spiritual adepts, the loss of all boundaries is the very portal to bliss? Which paradigm is correct?
I know both the suffering of empathy and the bliss of inseparability, and the two never occur simultaneously. The suffering of empathy from which we need protection arises only when there is some notion of a self to protect.
Observations of Immunity
In recent months, I took note of several situations in which I should have experienced empathic pain, but I did not. Powerful negative emotions were directed at me, but despite my receptivity, I did not feel them. For instance, I attempted to rectify a wrong and anticipated intense anger. At first, I was afraid, but I took refuge in my love for the person I injured and, with as much courage as I could find, did what I could to make things right. I opened to the anger, waited for it, but it never came. Months later, I discovered that, in fact, I had evoked very intense, prolonged anger that persists to this day. Why was I deaf to it?
On Saturday, my landlord came pounding on my door in a rage. My water bill was higher than usual, and he blamed it on the broken toilet in my basement. “You should have made me aware that it was running. You can be held legally responsible for this!” The toilet was not, in fact, running, but he returned hours later to tape a 5 day eviction notice on my door for “failure to make landlord aware of running toilet.” I spoke to an attorney who said he had no grounds by which to evict me, but the prospect of being pushed out of my home was, oddly, not distressing. While I had a jolly time venting about it, I never felt his fury. I felt sympathy for his suffering. Why did he have no ill effect on me?
On another occassion, I drove a friend to a dance venue where my old social circle regularly gathered. I wanted to introduce her to the event, although I had been asked to stay away. After I left the building, I was overcome with waves of love and contentment. I opened up to any anger or disgust that might come my way, but I felt only love. Throughout the night, while my friend was dancing with my once-friends, I was sitting in a cafe working on my dissertation, basking in exquisite tenderness. I assumed I was perceiving their emotions. Yet, my friend later told me that the mere mention of my name provoked tension and disdain. Introducing my friend to their event may have been perceived as an intrusion. However, I felt only warmth. Why was I immune?
What all of these situations have in common is a willingness to move into the suffering of others with love. Love dissolves conceptual representations of the self, particularly in relation to others. If the key to freedom from empathic pain (a.k.a., psychic protection) is to become aware of our inseperability, or to understand the insubstantiality of conceptual representations of the self, love serves this purpose naturally and efficiently. A uniquely powerful force independent of mundane morality, attitudes, or personal emotion, love thus transmutes thoughts and feelings in the collective awareness.
Research on compassion is consistent with this insight. Compassion for those who are suffering does not necessarily lead to empathic pain. Buddhist monks who practice compassion meditation report that the objects of their compassion, though suffering greatly, do not evoke suffering in them. Rather, they experience a pleasant state of love and a readiness to act on behalf of the suffering person, arguably a far more beneficial experience than empathic pain.
Boundary-based Love vs. Unconditional Love: Assessing the Risk
For people who conceptualize love as a conditional removal of boundaries, love is a scary prospect. To love someone who does not love you back is taking a big risk. In contrast, unconditional love based on a recognition of the ultimate meaninglessness of boundaries actually pacifies fears and mitigates injury.
Love is not a boundary. Love is a corona. Anything dark that approaches is quickly incinerated while other sources of light merge and become brighter.
Of course, unconditional love is not easy. One might begin with the cultivation of unconditional love only to form an emotional bond that transforms it into boundary-based love. Boundary-based love can be stressful, but returning to unconditional love is always possible, and the relief is so pronounced that one begins to yearn for the shift. Perhaps that is the beauty of broken bonds. They give us an incentive to find and develop unconditional love.
A warning. Unconditional love is so pleasant and provides such an effective immunity against injury that you will find yourself drawn into openly loving whomever crosses your path, and some will think this looks quite foolish. What appears foolish in one paradigm is wisdom in another. Just give them a wink.
To cultivate love for which creating boundaries is a meaningless concept, settle into the essence of your awareness, the landscape of your mind before thoughts of self and other fill the scene. Don’t try to love others with your own love. That approach actually perpetuates conceptual representations of the self. Just let the love that is already there move through you. Ordinarily, our love is based on how we see others in reference to ourselves. Conjuring up genuine love is difficult when every relationship is evaluated in terms of its utility or personal significance. Instead, open up to the love that comes from everything, from the divine presence, and let that love take over you. When you approach someone, imagine that the divine is loving them through you. This is nothing of a movement really. Not even a beginning and an end point, nor a giver and a receiver.
Don’t make love happen in you. Just disappear into it. Then there is no need for protection. The bubble is empty.
