When weeks of grief and turmoil are broken by a neutral calm, the relief is welcome, but the journey is not over. Much like rising to the surface of a stormy ocean finally gasping air, drowning is no longer an imminent threat, but one is still lost at sea, and the nearest island is beyond view, and gulps of saltwater still fill and irritate the lungs.
It is not enough just to be numb. Not enough to simply avoid feeling pain, to be alive yet drifting among the dark swells.
The need for something more is reflected in many realms of experience. Relationships are more likely to end not because of conflict, but because of few positive experiences together.
Depression arises not simply because we expect unrelenting pain but because we lack hope that anything positive lies ahead. Hopelessness is correlated more strongly with fewer expectations of pleasure than with predictions of pain (see study).
In times of despair, modes of healing often focus on relieving pain, reducing stress, removing problems. Fixing. Yet, pain and problems are rarely the sole cause of a flagging heart. Rather, what seems to drain the soul of will is the idea that there is nothing left to strive for. We can plow forward through nearly any hardship if we believe there is joy ahead.
Perhaps healing is not about resolving problems but about reconnecting with something great enough to outshine despair. Something that can stir and awaken the heart. Something with great beauty and power. Something persuasive; something that says life is worth experiencing. What in this world does this for you?
In the movie, The Fifth Element, Leeloo, a being genetically designed to battle the darkness intent on ending all life on earth, gradually learns of the immense hatred and destruction characterizing humanity. Heartbroken, she loses the will to go on. Korben, a soldier sent to help her fulfill her mission, carries her to the special platform where she must fight evil, but she is weeping and fading fast.
“What’s the use of saving life when you see what you do with it?” Leeloo asks.
“There are some important things worth saving,” he says.
“Like love?” she asks. Korben agrees.
“I don’t know love,” she says, ” I was built to protect, not to love.”
The evil, taking the form of a sentient planetary body, arrives above Earth, and the moment of destruction is at hand.
Korben says, “I love you,” and a bright beam of light shoots out of Leeloo up into the sky, penetrates the dark planet, and destroys it forever.
Love is the island on my horizon. Not for someone to tell me they love me… a wonderful experience, but what is even more beautiful and life affirming is to sense love all around, to feel everything made of it, to vibrate in resonance with it, to want good things for everyone and see those good things in their future. I can swim a hundred miles for that.
