Yesterday, I drove to the courthouse and filed for divorce.  I passed through the thin wall of the fourty foot tsumami, and I am now on the other side, and all is beautiful.  Crystal clear, the gleaming sun spread across the horizon, all confusion is gone.  In fact, I now know that the confusion I had was not mine.

The day before, I went out in search for a gift for a close friend.  I followed my intuition and found a canister of hibiscus tea with the image of an open hibiscis blossom on the label.  In the past, the hibiscus has been a symbol for me of opening up to loving others unconditionally and without reservation.  Months ago, I considered getting a hibiscus tattoo but changed my mind.  The following day, a close friend described me as a hibiscus waiting to open.  (Wishing I could have bared a hibiscus tattoo right then!)

After purchasing the hibiscus tea, on the following day I stood in the courthouse signing my divorce petition.  The pen had a fabric flower, a bright red open hibiscus, attached to the end of it.  I went to another office on the second floor of the courthouse to finish filing the documents.  Adjacent to the counter where I stood was a photo of a bright red open hibiscus (along with some other photos of Hawaii).  I laughed.

I took the kids and stayed the night at a friends house, primarily to allow my spouse to rest.  The makeshift accommodations reminded me of the dreams I’ve had every night for a week about looking for a place to live and finding only hovels, but I understood the meaning now, and the accommodations were in fact lovely.  I slept beside a hibiscus bush that happened to grace my friend’s living room.  Sometimes, nightmares represent the most beautiful reality.  Given my low income, I anticipate challenges finding shelter, but even the most meager shelter is luminous and alive to me now.

* Hibiscus image from: http://www.allthepages.org/indexr_maui04.php